People who say, "I never got into Scotch," will never get into Scotch. For them, bring a jug of rum punch and some ice.
If someone asks what you recommend, and seems nervous, they want an inoffensive blend like Dewars 12. If they seem brash, they want Laphroaig.
When someone says, "What do you have that's very mild?," pour them a Maker's Mark.
Some people act as though they believe that Step 1 in all the How to Taste Scotch guides is, "Sip it like you're trying a friend's huckleberry daquiri at Bennigans," and that terms like "volatile," "astringent," and "nose burn" are all associated only with rotgut. These errors will self-correct a few moments after they are provided with a wee dram.
Some people believe that adding water to a single malt Scotch is a bad thing to do, while others believe they should apologize as they drop in an ice cube. They will all believe the same thing tomorrow, no matter what you tell them today.
Nobody cares how many regions Scotland's distilleries are divided into.