instruere...inlustrare...delectare Disputations

Monday, March 11, 2013

First World Lamentations

As if it weren't enough that a friend of mine would transfer to my parish in order to become RCIA director and track me down in the parish parking lot to twist my arm into helping out while I was still spun up over Sherry Weddell's call to form intentional disciples -- "Oh," she said, "you'll just have to teach one lesson, and it can be on anything you want" (which turned out to be FALSE; "Why your dead pet isn't in heaven" is not an RCIA topic in my parish), followed up in short order with, "It would be great if the catechumens and candidates saw at least a few of the same catechists every week," and then -- and I'm still trying to figure out what happened with this one -- "Would you be willing to help tell people when and where to stand during the scrutinies?," which somehow morphed into "Master of Ceremonies," like there's a Master of Ceremonies in RCIA -- and don't even get me started on getting roped into Evangelism Sunday, whatever that is, although our pastor may not be in much of a rush to tighten the lasso after he asked me, "What's your background?," and I gaped at him in silence for five seconds, like he'd asked, "What six moments in your life do you most closely associate with teal?," now I find she's been slinking off to North Carolina -- I know, right, how else would you split the distance between Maryland and Colorado -- to connive and collude directly with Sherry Weddell in person, the full import of which has yet to be revealed (as the above shows, she's mastered the "your cat is on the roof" style of moderating information flow), but it seems the Catherine of Siena Institute will be coming to our parish to give one of their workshops, which sounds mostly harmless, but I would not bet against my name winding up on one or more relatively short lists of names of People Who Would be Good for This New Initiative, and that sort of thing -- absurd on its face, since if I had any initiative I'd be the one drawing up the list of names instead of getting caught flat-footed in parking lots without an excuse to demur -- could seriously cut into my whiskey drinking time, though I would bet that "pondering the imponderable with a dram at your elbow" isn't one of the charisms on CSI's list, as though some people mightn't serve the Church best by lazing about at home.

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